Why?

Sam offers some reflections on this big little word…

The characteristics of our modern world have been described as Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous (VUCA).  We are all too aware of the volatility of yet another country being dragged into conflict, the uncertainty of new world leaders, the complexity of technological advances and the vain attempt to discern the clarity of “truth” and “fact” in an ambiguous world full of misinformation, conspiracy theories and fake news.

So as we raise a glass to toast a New Year, it’s hard to see the point in promising to go to the gym after work or to not drink on a weeknight. These types of resolutions are never easy to stick to at the best of times, and this sure isn’t the best of times! So have New Year’s Resolutions had their day? Well, I guess it depends on the resolution. The problem with our traditional “be a better version of you” type resolution is that they usually fail for an obvious reason – we’re dealing with a symptom and not the problem itself.  We want to go to the gym, we want to drink less, we want to stop swearing at people while we’re driving (yes, that was mine last year!). But why? Because we want to get fit, we want to be healthy, we want to be better people. But why?

As any parent of a toddler will tell you, “Why?” is such a powerful question for learning and development.  Leaving aside a parent’s irritation at the frequency of the interrogation, we marvel at small children’s curiosity and determination to understand the world. As adults we often lose this curiosity, accepting not only the world but also ourselves in our present understanding. It is simpler to live our lives on autopilot maintaining a superficial perspective rather than delving deeper into the “why?” “Why?” can be messy, “why?” can be challenging.  We might ask questions we don’t want to know the answers to.

Without the “why?”, our efforts at change are usually destined to fail.  If we set ourselves a single, bullseye target, it’s pretty hard to hit. “Why”, and “why” again, will eventually bring us to the cause of our unhappiness, dissatisfaction or fear.  Or maybe it will help us focus on choosing gratitude, joy and love.   Once we gain a true understanding of the heart of the issue, we may choose to revise our resolutions.  Maybe we will pledge to take better care of our health in a holistic way. Maybe we will put more time and effort into our relationships. There will be no “falling off the wagon” because we haven’t set unreasonable targets. We will treat ourselves with kindness and know that seeking perfection is not the goal. Understanding the barriers and challenges means we get why sometimes we may need to prioritise something other than our health or other people. But tomorrow is another day and we can pick back up where we left off. This is an intention for a whole year, not a streak challenge.

But why should we bother? In these turbulent times where control feels a very abstract concept we might wonder what difference we can make. But what we do does still matter. We can choose to work harder to be the best versions of ourselves. We can focus on loving ourselves and loving others. It’s within our power to make practical changes to work towards being enough, doing enough and having enough. We are part of a family, a neighbourhood, a city, a country, a world. Connections and networks that are the sum of their parts and every part is valuable. That’s why.